-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
-In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
-Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."
-Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.
-Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
-Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
-A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
-Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
-If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
-If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
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